Hey blog world. I will catch you up soon in pictures. But for now, my family’s here and we’re enjoying London at Christmastime. They embrace the whole 12 Days of Christmas thing, so the holiday spirit is still going strong! And we are loving it.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! See you in 2012!
This is the church we left in Atlanta. So proud to have been a part of it.
North Point Ministries’ Be Rich. Do More. Give More Campaign.
My own blindness astounds me.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from the other person’s eye.” {Matthew 7:3-5}
It’s amazing the things that seem so clear in me someone else’s life but I’m blind to that very thing in my own life. I recently said:
“How does she not know that faith is grown life, not in bible studies?!”
Wisdom, knowledge, discernment, identifying and drawing near to the Character of God, the Person of Christ, the Miracle of the Holy Spirit all happens in bible study–and bible studies are great! But faith is something that is grown in the everyday–the good and the bad, but especially the bad…
How did I miss God growing my faith (even especially in my doubt and anger) by all this in my life?? How??
So I’ve made up with God and we’re on speaking terms again; things are good and I’m now open to instruction (whereas before I had serious bouts of throwing my toys on the floor and stamping my feet around like a toddler). We all have our moments. And thankfully, in God’s grace, we can have them unedited–He can take it.
But when we are ready to grow up a bit–and I am ready–we can learn from the pulling and stretching, the pruning and circumcising, when we are ready to accept both the new wine and the new wineskins, our covenant (like a reconciled marriage) is a beautiful and intimate one.
That’s where I find myself most of the time these days. The difficult, graceful, new, frustrating, reassuring place of faith-growing life here in London.
I cringe as I write that word. It’s true of me: I’m ungrateful.
This came crashing into my reality only recently when I read this quote:
“What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?”
My response was: I would have nothing.
That got my attention. Finding things–searching outside myself–to focus on that I am truly grateful for really pours water on the fire of anger and bitterness.
I struggle most days with choosing joy and contentment over selfishness and circumstance. But I have learned that a thankful heart is rarely self-centered and a grateful attitude rarely contains anger. So I focus on being thankful.
“Jesus said to them, ‘It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by His own authority.'” (Acts 1:7)
I realize that this was in response to the disciples’ question about the second coming of Christ and the restoration of Israel, not in direct response, to say, my equally important question. But I feel I am in the middle of a season of when and why not now and I find myself pleading with God all the time.
Nothing wrong with that!
The disciples understood this and came from a long line of Jews asking desperately how and when and how long, oh Lord?! Most of the Old Testament is sprinkled with the groaning of people – the Israelites in the desert, the people striving to establish justice through judges, the nation crying out for a king, the prophets lamenting Israel’s wayward heart, the “remnant” of the Babylonian captivity, the revelation of the coming Christ Messiah – the waiting, the disbelief, the confusion, the crucifixion, the three days, and finally the resurrection! There is hope and a promise and salvation as a result of all that, but what a history to have come out of.
So we, too, as believers corporately step into this long line of patiently waiting for the revelation of something to come. There is a powerful spiritual implication for each of us, if we can grasp it, accepting the season of already, not yet.
Today at Hillsong, I was reminded of this verse, and it seems that God is speaking right to my soul: Lucy, it is not for you to know times or seasons that I’ve fixed by My own authority.
There is a purpose.
I am God. You are not. {It’s better this way.}
I don’t need your permission; I have all authority.
I am trustworthy.
It seems to be much easier expelling energy (to my detriment, I might add) fighting the whole thing, but to what end?
He has designed it – any season of waiting – as a time to either struggle against the not-knowing and pout like a child {me, mostly} or to revel in the journey. Do I let Him lead me or do I seek my will, missing what could be something beautiful? Am I stiff-necked, proud, and untrusting or pliable, teachable, and moldable? Do I value the known over the unknown – no matter the cost; regardless of the One who goes before me and behind me?
It is a simple and frustrating question: Do I trust Him?
I want the answer. He wants my heart.
I want independence. He wants my humility.
I want knowledge. He wants my trust.
I want the destination. He wants the journey.
And he gave a cry, saying, “I have faith; make my feeble faith stronger!” (Mark 9:24b) Lord, help me learn to wait.
grant + lucy :: romance 