Category Archives: I need Jesus

5 Minute Friday: Tired

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Well this week certainly got away from me. It’s already time for another 5 Minute Friday Linkup with The Gypsy Mama! You know the drill.


For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

    1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
    2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
    3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!




TIRED
I’m so tired. A really great Beatles song starts with this line…. Let’s not got there. I really am tired. Yesterday was my last day of class for the semester. It feels like I’ve poured out all my brain on papers and group work and I have very little left with which to think and write and converse.
I wonder when there will be a day when I’m not tired. We stay up late, enjoy each other and the city of London, we sleep in (sometimes, depending on classes), we rinse and repeat. When are the days of 12 hour nights plus naps? Was that only for a brief moment, sophomore year in college? I long for days when I don’t feel tired. Or braindead. Or frustrated. Or short-tempered. 
I need some perspective. Someone once told my Mama right before she had me that hopefully she had cherished a good night’s sleep because she wouldn’t have another one for 18 years…! If these are the good days of restful nights free of care and worry and limited responsibility, I need to feel less tired!
I guess the tiredness affects my attitude and sleep deprivation doesn’t help, so I will try to, a) get more sleep and, b) adjust my perspective. It’s Christmastime and in the words of Kevin McAllister’s mother, “The season of perpetual hope.” Amen.

Speck and Plank

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My own blindness astounds me.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from the other person’s eye.” {Matthew 7:3-5}

It’s amazing the things that seem so clear in me someone else’s life but I’m blind to that very thing in my own life. I recently said:

“How does she not know that faith is grown life, not in bible studies?!”

Wisdom, knowledge, discernment, identifying and drawing near to the Character of God, the Person of Christ, the Miracle of the Holy Spirit all happens in bible study–and bible studies are great! But faith is something that is grown in the everyday–the good and the bad, but especially the bad…

How did I miss God growing my faith (even especially in my doubt and anger) by all this in my life?? How??

So I’ve made up with God and we’re on speaking terms again; things are good and I’m now open to instruction (whereas before I had serious bouts of throwing my toys on the floor and stamping my feet around like a toddler). We all have our moments. And thankfully, in God’s grace, we can have them unedited–He can take it.

But when we are ready to grow up a bit–and I am ready–we can learn from the pulling and stretching, the pruning and circumcising, when we are ready to accept both the new wine and the new wineskins, our covenant (like a reconciled marriage) is a beautiful and intimate one.

That’s where I find myself most of the time these days. The difficult, graceful, new, frustrating, reassuring place of faith-growing life here in London.

Ungrateful

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I cringe as I write that word. It’s true of me: I’m ungrateful.

This came crashing into my reality only recently when I read this quote:

“What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?” 

 My response was: I would have nothing.

That got my attention. Finding things–searching outside myself–to focus on that I am truly grateful for really pours water on the fire of anger and bitterness.

I struggle most days with choosing joy and contentment over selfishness and circumstance. But I have learned that a thankful heart is rarely self-centered and a grateful attitude rarely contains anger. So I focus on being thankful.

I’m on the mend!

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The nurse said she wouldn’t have to see me again for 6 weeks! That was just news too good to not pass along!!

We–Mama, Grant, and I (with the doctor’s permission)–have been able to do some really fun stuff:
The Mousetrap at St. Martin’s Theatre–amazing!
Driving Miss Daisy at Wyndham’s Theatre–who knew a touching story of a jewish lady and a black man would make us miss Atlanta so? Beautifully done–it was Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones’s finest hour High Tea with friends; drinks at the Holly Bush with more friends (I had a Coke… I was still very much on meds but loved the company and setting)
Dinner with Londoner Katie (from Church)
Lunch with Aussie Gimyana (also from Church)
Tea with family-friend Katia and her new baby!!
Mama squeezed in the British Museum and a few other “touristy” things without me {and Grant went to class}

I have learned much about myself and about where I put my trust and my hope. There was much newness and little/ no comforts of the familiar: new place, new school, new flat, new healthcare system, no family except my exceptionally patient and kind husband who attended to me with limitless care. It showed me how much I value comfort and ease over the new and unfamiliar and difficult–how blessed and lucky we are to have to much support even in a new place and strange circumstances. It also taught me that you can create friendship and family with people all around you. The body of Christ is a beautiful thing in action.

We are grateful. We are healing. We are going to be ok.

Just in case you’re one of the few who have not seen this {64 million others beat you to it} this is treat from me to you:

Something about the eyes and the nose and mouth… remind me of Georgia. Happy Friday!