i have recently had a revelation on giving. i think a combination of truly seeing people experiencing the toughness and roughness of the downturn in the economy paired with where i work and the reality of poverty, sub-standard living, and homelessness in downtown atlanta along with a recent sermon has resulted in the following change in my lifestyle:

i will give to the fullest extent of my ability to anyone who asks.

seriously. pondering hannah’s happiness fast, i decided on a generosity fast–giving to anyone who asked me and actually a few who didn’t, but were in obvious and dire need. a few days after starting this, i heard a sermon by andy stanley on giving with a different expectation for a different person with a different heart/mind-set.

my reasons:
1. i have been blessed with much, and to whom much has been given, much is expected (luke 12:48)
2. i have only been given what time/money i have by God for God–for the Kingdom; furthermore, i know that i am only a steward of what God has given me, and that everything He gives us (good or bad) He wants us to give back to Him
3. i can’t justify not giving when Grant and i have been so stable, so sure, so steady in a time of national crisis
4. with a different expectation and a different heart/mind-set i love giving and i only want to have more to give more–it has become a lifestyle and a joy.

it is an amazing thing and, like most joys in the Lord, is overwhelming and difficult to explain to others.

the verse from the sermon that confirmed with God’s word what was already written on my heart:

Love for Enemies
27 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
32 “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! 33 And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! 34 And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return.

35 “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Do Not Judge Others
37 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”
Luke 6:27-38

as andy explains in his message, giving for all kinds of reasons is good–giving at all, is a good and right thing–but when Jesus opens with, “but you who are willing: listen,” He is inviting us into a different kind of giving. giving paired with loving compassion minus the typical expectations we have in giving–waiting for repayment, acknowledgement, credit, honor, change, a “fixed” person or situation, or even a “thank you.”

God does not give with expectations.

Jesus died for us when we were yet sinners–wicked and ungrateful, undeserving and unchanged. (romans 5:8)

andy goes on to say that the focus cannot be on the people and circumstances here on earth–they may never change, but we should still give lavishly (because our Father gave so adoringly to us). the focus must be on God, on being like God, on representing God as a light unto the darkness–for even sinners give to those who love them and to those who deserve it, but who gives to the undeserving if i don’t? who is left to love and accept and support and take in and cherish and meet the needs of the homeless, the loveless, the widows, the orphans, the foreigners, the minorities, if not you and me?

Jesus died, not for our salvation–which is an incredible benefit that brings me to my knees–but to please the Father; to bring glory and recognition to the Father (john 12:27-28). His focus was on heaven, on the Almighty God (john 5:19).

the focus must be on the Father and bringing Him glory.

and finally, we must change our hearts, our mindset. we live in a wealthy nation where–unlike many others–our government has a system (albeit flawed and abused) for taking care of and somewhat providing for people “in need.” somehow this had ingrained in me the assumption-turned-accepted-as-fact that it’s not our responsibility to provide care, money, food, shelter, clothes for the poor–especially the “wicked” the “ungrateful” the “unworking poor” the ones “who will never change”–because it’s the government’s responsibility. not only is this misguided, but it is simply unbiblical (james 1:27). Jesus dines with, loves on, speaks to, cares for, demonstrates love and miracles for these very people–and aside from that, He continually loves and provides for you and me everyday, and i am certainly undeserving of His constant grace, constant mercy, constant sustenance, constant compassion, and constant forgiveness.

when i experience the joy of giving freely without expectation, the desire somehow grows. i can’t explain it, i can only attest to it and simply say that this is a life-changing experience, a life-long habit, a renewed spirit of thinking, and a revelation on giving for me.

Jesus has invited us into a new kind of giving, where–giving without expectation, focused on the Kingdom not this earthy world, and bringing the Father, and not ourselves, glory–we have the privilege of walking around as his arms, heart, head, eyes, ears, mouth, feet and hands, if we but have ears to listen and the obedience of love.

any takers? 😉

As I step off the train and onto the platform, I am surrounded by people. I meld into the flood of faces and feet as the wave of motion picks up. I hear several students speaking French and I note three veiled women conversing in a beautiful tongue, as colorful in sound as the garbs of their saris. As I mind a dirty sleeping man, I reach for a few dollars to give. Above the stench of urine and rain I can smell a small bakery opening its windows and doors. I search the fresh market and find two green apples for a mere handful of change–it’s the mart owner’s son’s birthday and I see a sign with a card autographed by the local regulars and smile. I thank him.

As I make my way across the street I appreciate the architectural diversity of old vs. new in the heavy marble buildings contrasted with the glassy sky scrapers. Taking a crunch out of one apple, I quickly cross diagonally to the park and observe the community: old, young, loud music, mid- and quarter-life crises, backpacks, suits, hobo packs, a side walk preacher, bikes, an empty police station, mopeheads, a saxophone playing jazz, fast cars, and a “keep of the grass” sign.

What place is this? Am I stepping off the subway in New York? the tube in London? the Metro in Paris?

No. I’m in my favorite little non-european European town: 5 points Atlanta.

I take Marta to work some days. I absolutely adore the eclectic mix of people and restaraunts in this area. So much is happening. I wonder–how did I not uncover this gem before?–as I pass a man preaching to a crowd about a march on Washington, a mother consoling her child, a life-size chess match, two men waiting side by side who would never stand beside each other again.

This is Atlanta–with all its guts and all its glory.

And 5 points at the heart of downtown is my favorite place to be.

this weekend i was reminded by God that i am nothing.

we were all together at the lake–three other couples who had never been. i had promised a great weekend with beautiful weather, boat rides, jet ski, kayaks, a canoe, a hot tub, and lots of games.

we get there late friday night, walk down to the dock, and georgia decides to jump in and drown herself. luckily grant and chris snatched her out of her impending death–which began the weekend with a bang.

the next day we go to the marina to inqure about the boat, only for it to not start–later identifying a problem in the engine somewhere… ok. so then we go back to the house to discover that no one ate the breakfast casserole that i made–they were waiting on us to get back, so we all ate it cold (quite a disappointment). grant and i went down to the dock to see about the jet ski–it wouldn’t start. we called the marina about de-winterizing the other boat only to discover that, once hooked up and dropped into the water, the battery was dead. [are you getting a sense of the frustration/ failure i was feeling at this point?] we decide to forget all the fancy gadgets, and to just jump in the water, but want to check on the hot tub first, so that as we’re shivering our way back to the house, we’d have steaming hot jets waiting on us… you guessed it: hot tub wasn’t working.

i was very mad and frustrated that nothing was going right, or at least the way i’d planned, but i thought, at least the sun is out; i’ll put on my bathing suit and go down to the dock to relax and read. the sun was out (about 72 degrees of warm goodness) but the winds were almost tornadic and laying out and/or reading was completely impossible.

this is when the breakdown/ break through happened: God was telling me that i am nothing. that i can do nothing apart from Him and furthermore, just because i had certain plans and expectations for the weekend did not mean that without them we would not have fun–God would show up on his own, and that was enough. He was forcing. me. to. let. go. and. i. hated. it.

learning/ relearning lessons like this sucks. seriously. even when you realize what you’re supposed to realize–the boat, the jet ski, the hot tub, the battery–they still don’t work. it’s not like you have an epiphany and then boom, everything’s perfect. everything’s still hard, you just know that the God of the universe is speaking directly to you in the midst of it.

i’m not gonna lie: it took a few hours to get over my disappointment in things and renew my excitement for the rest of the weekend, but i did. and guess what: the weekend was perfect. it was awesome and amazing and we all got so much closer. we learned hilarious fun facts about each other, grew in our friendships, learned more about each others friends, families, hopes, dreams, fears, struggles, and played so many games that it all makes me laugh, even now, just thinking about it.

God was in our time together. He had the whole weekend in His hands all along. even without the boat. even without the jet ski. even without the hot tub. even without my expectations. and i’m so so thankful that He did, because looking back, my plan would’ve been ok, but not great, not a growing experience, not allowing as many sit-down-and-get-below-the-surface conversations, not playing as many games, and probably not sharing as many stories or laughs.

it’s much easier to say this now, than at about 3:30pm on Saturday, but: thank you, LORD, for being in control, for being bigger than me, and for reminding me that, without leaving room for you to intercede, to be involved, to change my plans, i am nothing 😉

so… today i woke up and something was off… i couldn’t quite put my finger on it:
maybe i was tired from an awesome weekend
maybe i was hating my body for cramping (pms)
maybe it was my head that was throbbing

but it was none of these things (and all of them, at the same time):

it was a TOOTH ACHE!

the pain has now migrated throughout my body and continues to flow in waves from my molar outward and down… awesome.

i have an immediate/ emergency dentist appointment tomorrow am… yuck.

maybe it won’t be infected…?

hope not. i’ll keep you posted 😉

today i feel sad for no reason at all, so just for today, i will remember mother theresa’s prayer:

may today there be peace within. may you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. may you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. may you be content knowing you are a child of God. let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. it is there for each and every one of us.

amen.